Cornell’s Johnson School to Offer Revolutionary Core Curriculum
Ithaca, NY (AP) – As leading MBA programs like Stanford GSB and Yale SOM have revamped their core curricula to feature highly practical and interdisciplinary offerings, Cornell’s Johnson School of Management has clearly taken note. On Monday, the school announced a new approach to management education that will “spur a paradigm shift for business schools everywhere,” according to Johnson School Dean Joe Thomas. Dubbed ‘Practi-Core,’ the new first-year curriculum at Johnson will require that admitted students simply stay with their pre-MBA employers and gain additional field experience before showing up in Ithaca for elective coursework in year two. “Our peers have been bending over backwards to incorporate cross disciplinary, field-based experience into their curricula – well, at Johnson we’re taking this to its logical conclusion and having our students simply stay in the workforce,” said Dean Joe Thomas. School officials declined to comment on how the new program would impact tuition fees for the first year at Cornell.
GMAC Bus Taken for Joyride with Test-Takers Aboard
St Louis, MO (Reuters) – A unique testing program designed to offer convenience to GMAT test takers in rural areas took a rather unusual turn last week. The GMAC bus, a custom-built mobile testing center for the standardized test used in the MBA admissions process, was taken for a two-hour joyride by two fraternity pledges as part of a pledge-related dare. Unbeknownst to the students who took the wheel of the bus, a group of six MBA applicants where busy completing the GMAT exam onboard during the prank. Authorities found the missing bus in the parking lot of an area Gentlemen’s Club, thanks to an anonymous tip. No one was hurt, and the resulting scores from exams taken that day were surprisingly above average – no small feat considering the ordeal that test takers went through. One student offered the following take: “I felt as if we were moving at high speeds and experienced some signs of car sickness - but I tend to get a bit nauseous during standardized tests, so I just chalked it up to my own nerves and tried to stay focused on the exam.” The fraternity pledges responsible for the hijacking are in custody with local authorities.
Stanford to Unveil 22+2 Program
Palo Alto, CA (Knight Ridder) – In an effort to temper the success of rival Harvard Business School’s 2+2 program and leap-frog that program’s early jump on young talent in the MBA applicant pool, the Stanford Graduate School of Business has released details of a new program they are offering to expectant mothers. Dubbed ‘22+2’, the Stanford GSB’s program offers pregnant women a chance to pre-enroll their unborn children in the Stanford class of 2032. “We’re convinced that the next generation of leaders can be spotted via ultra-sound,” said Derrick Bolton, Stanford’s Director of Admissions. “I should also add that parents will be carefully screened in this process, since management studies have shown that the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.”
Wharton Bids for Columbia Business School in Hostile Takeover
Philadelphia, PA (AP) – In a bold move to shore up its position as one of the leading global MBA programs, the Wharton School at the University of Pennsylvania announced a hostile takeover bid for Columbia Business School and all of its underlying assets. In a memorandum to the Columbia Board of Directors, the Wharton management team cited increased shareholder value that the programs would garner from post-takeover synergies. Sources close to the negotiations indicate that Wharton is particularly interested in Columbia’s New York City property; however financial experts suggested that these may be overvalued in light of recent price declines in the real estate market.
Mortgage Crisis Hits UCLA’s Anderson School
Los Angeles, CA (Bloomberg) – A ‘For Sale’ sign placed on the grounds of UCLA’s Anderson School of Management gathered a great deal of attention last week. Originally thought to be an elaborate prank on the part of the MBA program’s Real Estate Club, school officials later revealed that due to an inability to pay mortgage fees after borrowing at sub-prime rates, the University had been forced to sell its property to the highest bidder. Anderson School officials assured the public that the MBA program itself would continue to operate uninterrupted – adding that a Final Four victory for the undergraduate program’s basketball team may provide funds to help rescue the property.
LBS Considers Pegging Tuition Fees to the Dollar
London, England (Reuters) – Citing a near free-fall in American applicant volume this season, London Business School announced plans to conduct a tuition-related study that would weigh the costs and benefits of pegging their program’s tuition to the US dollar. “We’re simply having difficulty recruiting Americans to join the LBS community, as it seems like the dollar is losing ground daily to the British pound,” said David Simpson, Associate Dean of Marketing & Admissions. Simpson added that “it seems like only a matter of time before the US dollar will be worth no more than the money issued in Parker Brother’s Monopoly games.”
Happy April Fool’s!
The Clear Admit Team
(for more April Fool’s fun: 2007, 2006, 2005, 2004)
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