Welcome back to Which School Wednesdays, where we take a closer look at some of the issues facing admitted students at this point in the spring. This week, we’d like to focus on perhaps one of the most difficult but least talked about elements of the decision process: making a final decision that suits the needs of both the applicant and a spouse or partner.
While nobody except the two people in a relationship can really know how their priorities line up, it can be very helpful to pace through the debate with a neutral party. One recent discussion on the Business Week Forums highlights some helpful ways to consider the different options. One poster explains how a Harvard admit threw a wrench into his plans to attend Wharton, as his wife had been admitted into a PhD program at Penn:
“It looked like our decision was made after I received my Wharton acceptance… However, now that I have been accepted by Harvard, I am finding this decision frustratingly painful.… I know that I’m probably crazy for even entertaining the idea of living apart from my wife for two years to go to school…particularly when we have the chance to attend an Ivy League school together.”
Another poster responded with some great advice based on his own situation:
“I clearly communicated to my wife that only if she agreed would I go for my MBA elsewhere. She did agree after she realized how excited I am about Darden… From a practical perspective the difference may be small between W and HBS, however if it has always been your desire to be part of HBS then do not simply disregard it… If you go to W just because of your wife and not because you wanted it, whenever you encounter any difficulty or failure you will resent your decision, and this will put stress on your relationship.”
The applicant’s final decision was to accept Wharton’s offer, thereby doing his part to dispel the belief that MBA stands for “me before anyone (else)”!
Offering further reassurance that the idea of living apart isn’t crazy, a second year student at Chicago GSB declares that it is possible to maintain a positive long-term relationship while earning an MBA. Posting on the Student Admissions Committee blog, he writes about using Skype to touch base once or twice a day with his girlfriend living in Stockholm:
“In general, your schedule as an MBA student will offer sufficient flexibility and breaks so that you can adapt to his/her working schedule – but it does take a bit of planning and effort.”
He also emphasizes that the prospect of long distance extends beyond the duration of the MBA program. He urges students to brainstorm with their partners about jobs and internships in mutually agreeable locations, and then to pursue them early in the year:
“My girlfriend sent me a list of 60 companies based in Stockholm. Then I cross checked with the list in our career services office – we had data for ALL of them. I ended up at Bain Stockholm for the summer, and when I got an offer, both Anna and I were thrilled to accept!”
This sounds like an excellent approach, since the writer benefits from both his schools’ resources as well as his partner’s input. Prospective students still making their school selection decisions might want to follow this lead by, for instance researching the school’s network and placement record in the target post-MBA region.
For those admitted students with spouses or partners who will be joining them at business school, it’s a great idea to bring him or her along to welcome events for admitted students in the spring. Many weekend events feature special activities for partners, allowing them to get a sense of how they might participate in the community once the school year begins.
Best of luck to all the couples who are debating this issue at present; we’ll see you next week for another installment of Which Schools Wednesdays!
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