INSEAD’s Fontainebleau Campus Threatened with Shutdown
Paris, FR — Citing the school’s failure to follow French law, the mayor of Fontainebleau, France has issued a ‘cease operations’ order for the leading international business school located 45 minutes outside of Paris. According to authorities, INSEAD shirked a law requiring that 70% of courses be taught in French by opting instead for an English-dominant MBA curriculum. School officials claim an exemption from the law, due to the percentage of non-French students enrolled in the program, but the local authorities are threatening to take the matter to the French courts. INSEAD Dean J. Frank Brown, who has avoided any public discourse on the subject, offered the following statement in a press release: “We’re truly saddened by this development. We have a great deal of respect for the French people and their culture, but we are running an international MBA program and this necessitates extensive use of the English language. In addition, we require our students to graduate with fluency in two additional languages of their choice. While I can understand how the French law applies to state television and radio programming to ensure exposure to French culture, I fail to see how it is relevant to our program.” Sources have indicated that Dean Brown is in talks with the Swiss town of Bern, in the event that relocation becomes necessary.
Leading MBA Programs Partner with FedEx for New Core Course
Memphis, TN — Responding to sharp criticism over a controversial advertisement that questions the utility of the MBA degree, five of the leading business schools in the US have reached out to shipping company Federal Express (NYSE: FDX) to organize a unique course in shipping logistics. Shipping and Logistics for Managers seeks to provide students with an overview of box assembly, label printing, pick-up and drop-off protocol and extended zip code utilization. It will be on offer in the fall of 2007 at HBS, Tuck, MIT, Wharton and Columbia. Harvard Business School’s Dean Light had the following take on this development: “Once we got past the anger we harbored towards FedEx for mocking MBA graduates, we realized that there was a kernel of truth in their advertisement and that we needed to do some soul searching. We then had the idea to simply reach out to FedEx and work together to remedy this weak-link in the MBA curriculum.”
Kellogg to Award Two Full Scholarships for Class of 2009
Evanston, IL — The Kellogg School of Management recently unveiled a special program to award two additional full-tuition scholarships to this year’s incoming class. The scholarships will actually be offered via ‘toy surprises’ in boxes of Kellogg’s Frosted Flakes and Kellogg’s Sugar Smacks that can be purchased at the campus bookstore during DAK weekend (April 12-15). Kellogg’s Dean Dipak Jain offered the following explanation for this unorthodox approach: “The idea actually came during a recent team-building weekend for the administration. At the retreat we watched Roald Dahl’s Charlie and Chocolate Factory and one of my assistants threw the idea out there for a Wonka-style awarding of scholarship funds. While it may seem slightly juvenile to offer scholarships in cereal boxes, Kellogg is a creative place and we’re willing to think outside the box – or in this case inside the box.”
Wharton Going with ‘Dean-by-Committee’ Option for ’07-08 Season
Philadelphia, PA — After a thorough review of the market for top-flight candidates for dean as well as a great deal of internal discussion, the Wharton School of Business has opted not to replace outgoing Dean Patrick Harker when he leaves the school this July. University of Pennsylvania President Amy Gutmann offered the following explanation for the decision: “We took a careful look at the existing team members in the dean’s office and have decided to go with a ‘dean-by-committee’ option. Quite frankly, when you look at the talent we have in the Deputy Dean (David Schmittlein) and Vice Dean positions (Anjani Jain, Barbara Kahn, Robert Inman, Jonathan Spector) it becomes clear that on any given day, one of these team members can step up and get the job done.” Gutmann credits the idea for this approach to extensive discussions she had with Boston Red Sox General Manager Theo Epstein.
UCLA Admissions Team Duped By Plagiarized Rock Lyrics in Essay
Los Angeles, CA — If not for the detail oriented nature of an administrative assistant, UCLA’s Anderson School of Management may have admitted a candidate who plagiarized one admissions essay with song lyrics. Blake Johansen kicked off his response to UCLA’s first essay on personal and family background with the following text:
I was eight years old and running with a dime in my hand. Into the bus stop to pick up a paper for my old man. I’d sit on his lap in that big old Buick and steer as we drove through town. He’d tousle my hair and say son take a good look around – this is your hometown.
Now Main Street’s whitewashed windows and vacant stores. Seems like there ain’t nobody wants to come down here no more. They’re closing down the textile mill across the railroad tracks. Foreman says these jobs are going, boys, and they ain’t coming back.
The admissions team applauded the “raw, blue-collar nature” of Johansen’s description of his early years growing up in an industrial town, not recognizing that the words in the essay were those of rock n’ roll legend Bruce Springsteen. , The administrative assistant, who hails from Asbury Park, New Jersey, spotted the lyrics while doing some routine data entry and brought the matter to the attention of the Director of Admissions.
HBS to Require Abacus for All Incoming First-year Students
Cambridge, MA — Harvard Business School’s extensive use of the case method has often left the school’s graduates open to criticism for their lack of quantitative skills. In an effort to bolster student skills in this area and address these concerns, HBS is now requiring all first-years to arrive on campus with an abacus. Finance Professor Robert Merton comments on the schools newest initiative: “The most significant educational advantage of using an abacus, rather than loose beads or counters, when practicing counting and simple addition is that it gives the student an awareness of the groupings of 10 which are the foundation of our number system.” HBS students will also be asked to complete Soduku puzzles on a regular basis to further hone skills in counting.
Stanford GSB Student Cited for ‘Back-Dating Options’
Palo Alto, CA — Recent accounting scandals surrounding Silicon Valley notables such as Pixar, McAfee and Apple Computer have not deterred the Stanford Graduate School of Business from holding its annual Back-Dating Options contest. The goal of this unusual event is to identify the graduating second-year student with the most options for getting back together with former SOs. Ex-boyfriends and ex-girlfriends of contestants were polled to see if they would consider getting back together with their ex: contestants’ rankings increased in value for each positive response. This year’s winner was Jason Mascis, who will be joining McKinsey and Company upon graduation. Mascis offered the following thoughts on his victory: “There were a lot of students in the contest who had dated more than I had; but in reaching those numbers they clearly burned a few bridges. I’ve worked very hard to remain friends with former girlfriends, and clearly it’s paid dividends.”
Plans for Unique Student Housing Facility Unveiled at Chicago GSB
Chicago, IL — In a major effort to steal the title of “most team-oriented b-school” from cross-town rival Kellogg, the Chicago GSB is unveiling a revolutionary plan for student living. The school recently announced plans to build a new communal living facility to house all MBA students and their families. “As we explored ways to enhance the GSB’s teamwork and networking culture, we realized that we were missing a key opportunity: home life,” says GSB Dean Edward Snyder. “With this new communal residence hall we can create an environment in which our students can continue networking and meeting with their teams 24/7. The bunk-style rooms will help break down the physical and emotional barriers that impede a healthy group dynamic and will bring team interactions to a new level.” If construction goes as planned, residency in the new hall will be required for graduation for all members of Chicago’s Class of ’10 and beyond.
Happy April Fool’s,
Clear Admit
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