Harvard to Further Alter Grading Policy
Boston, MA (AP) – In early December, Harvard Business School eliminated their grade nondisclosure policy and imposed a more standard grading system despite heated debate from the current student body. Our sources have learned that this was simply a first step towards the full implementation of what’s been dubbed the ‘Hawthorne Grade Disclosure’ policy (HGD). Acting HBS Dean Jay Light issued a brief statement this week to elaborate: “The principle change under the new system will be grading ceremonies at the end of each course, during which students will be asked to wear a scarlet letter signifying the grade received in the course. We view this as the perfect marriage of grade disclosure and New England Puritan tradition.”
Wharton’s New Management Course to Be Taught by Prominent Leaders
Philadelphia, PA (Reuters) – In light of the wave of recent corporate scandals, Wharton has introduced a required new course that takes an innovative approach to ethics in business. Entitled Changing Management, the class will help future managers understand the steps to take in the aftermath of a corporate scandal. Dean Patrick Harker explained the theory behind the offering: “Everyone knows that it’s nearly impossible to graduate from a leading MBA program without an insatiable desire for money and power. The reality is that most top managers will play fast-and-loose with the books at some point, so rather than trying to prevent the inevitable we’re training our students how to navigate the subsequent legal proceedings”. The course, which features lectures on shareholder deception, document shredding, legal team selection and sudden memory loss, will be team-taught by Bernie Ebbers, Martha Stewart and Jeffrey Skilling.
Columbia Business School Introduces New Admissions Policy
New York, NY (AP)- During a Friday press conference at Uris Hall, Columbia Business School unveiled changes to their Early Decision (ED) admissions process. Linda Meehan, the school’s admissions director highlighted the following modifications: “While the MBA applicant community has flocked to our ED admissions round, we’ve historically had problems with admitted ED applicants placing a deposit to hold their spot and then failing to show up for classes at CBS in the fall. With our new ‘secure-ED’ round, we’re confident that this won’t be a problem.” Borrowing the latest technology from America’s federal corrections facilities, Columbia will require all future ED applicants to wear electronic monitoring devices (EMDs). “If candidates mysteriously fail to show up in NYC for classes, we’ll be able to track them down and gently remind them of their commitment to CBS”, Meehan said. EMD tracking hubs have reportedly been installed in Philadelphia, Palo Alto and Boston.
Yale SOM Looks to Grab the Spotlight
New Haven, CT (Knight Ridder) – As the press corps has been reporting on the presence of a former Taliban leader at Yale undergrad, the School of Management (SOM) publicly expressed fears that the university at large is stealing the spotlight and distracting the public from exciting news about the SOM’s new curriculum. In an effort to put the SOM back in the headlines, the admissions team is looking to trump their undergraduate admissions counterparts by admitting an MBA student who catches everyone’s attention. Anne Coyle, the Yale SOM’s Admissions Director elaborated during a phone call from Los Angeles where she’s been interviewing prospective students: “While we’ve been looking at files from Britney and Kevin, I’m hoping that this afternoon’s interview with Paris Hilton results in an offer.”
MIT Sloan Program to Pursue Sabbatical
Cambridge, MA (AP) – Citing the cumulative stress of years of classes and extracurricular activities, the MIT Sloan MBA program has decided to take a year off. A formal statement issued by the program indicated that the school hopes to “travel, catch up on reading, maybe get season’s tickets to the Red Sox, and most of all just relax.” The school also mentioned something about how it would use the time to “find itself.”
Stanford GSB Applicant Still Drafting Essay
Twin Falls, ID (Reuters) – What began as a healthy quest for admission to one of the nation’s leading MBA programs has stripped Idaho’s John Davis of his job, apartment and friends. Mr. Davis has now spent seven years contemplating Stanford’s “What matters most to you, and why?” essay question, drafting 2,635 versions of the response but still not feeling convinced that he’s reached deep enough inside himself. Devon Miles, a psychologist familiar with the case said that “it’s not uncommon for Stanford applicants to fall into a sort of existential stupor while drafting the essay, however Mr. Davis has been unable to shake free.”
Exclusive: How well do you know the admissions staff at your target school?
Most applicants understand the importance of ‘knowing your audience’ when applying to b-school. Despite this fact, many candidates fail to do the appropriate background research on the key decision makers at each school. As a service to our readers, the Clear Admit team has done extensive research into a handful of admissions directors at leading schools. Follow the links below to get the scoop on your favorite MBA personalities:
Rod Garcia, Director, Office of MBA Admissions
MIT Sloan
http://www.mymsnsearch.com/results.aspx?q=ROD++GARCIA&FORM=ijTF6rP6jBk0
Rosemaria Martinelli, Associate Dean for Student Recruitment and Admissions
University of Chicago
http://www.mymsnsearch.com/results.aspx?q=Rosemaria+Martinelli&FORM=xTpiVdMBDgv7
Derrick Bolton, MBA Admissions Director
Stanford Graduate School of Business
http://www.mymsnsearch.com/results.aspx?q=Derrick++Bolton&FORM=oSUYEYG8iIc7
Brit Dewey, Managing Director of MBA Admissions and Financial Aid
Harvard Business School
http://www.mymsnsearch.com/results.aspx?q=Brit++Dewey&FORM=oQF9cp0uSbEi
Thomas Caleel, Director of MBA Admissions and Financial Aid
The Wharton School
http://www.mymsnsearch.com/results.aspx?q=Thomas++Caleel&FORM=qhIiEA1hSn2a
Happy April Fool’s,
Clear Admit
