HBS to Abandon Case Method?
Cambridge, Massachusetts (AP) — In an unexpected announcement, Dean Kim B. Clark of Harvard Business School (HBS) indicated that the use of case method would be slowly phased out at HBS over the next 2 years. “We realized that the anxiety levels created by the prospect of cold-calls was not creating the sort of laid back, zen atmosphere that our students need as future leaders.” Dean Clark also mentioned that professors were “getting tired of listening to the ridiculous theories that students typically come up with when called on” – citing threats from several professors to leave the university in hopes of finding an environment where they could “get a word in edgewise”.
ApplyYourself Software Vendor Wins National Security Contract
Washington DC (Reuters) — Educational software vendor ApplyYourself is expanding into another domain. The Fairfax, Virginia based firm has been selected by the United States government to build a system that limits identity theft and protects the vital personal records of American citizens. ApplyYourself CEO, Len Metheny, issued the following statement: “Winning this contract has launched an entirely new chapter in our firm.” While many critics have questioned the firm’s ability to move from the education realm to national security while providing the necessary safeguarding of data, Metheny spoke with confidence: “I view this as a logical leap for our firm – sort of a cut and paste from one industry to another.”
Tuck Switches from Admission Rounds to “Survivor-style” Process
Hanover, New Hampshire (AP) — Dartmouth’s Amos Tuck School of Business has announced a change in their admissions process for the 2005-2006 application season. Teaming up with CBS Television and the popular “Survivor” program, the admissions office has eliminated their traditional policy of staged admissions and is opting for a methodology that has never before been employed in the MBA admissions world. Kristine Laca, Director of Admissions, explained the new policy in depth: “The concept is to gather all interested applicants and bring them to Hanover in January for a class visit and campus tour. We’ll then provide the group with 1 month’s worth of rations before dropping them off in the wilderness of the nearby Franconia mountain range. The applicants who make it back to campus before March 15th will be offered spots in the class of 2008.” The entire process will be filmed and aired in weekly installments on CBS. When asked is she had any advice for applicants, Laca offered only the following tip: “Dress warmly!”
Kellogg Sick of Being So Team Oriented
Chicago (Knight Ridder) — Citing a recent study entitled “Nice Guys do Finish Last“, the Kellogg School of Business has officially shifted away from its philosophy of teamwork-oriented education. Dean Dipak Jain issued a statement that announced a new, mandatory course for all first year MBA students: “I am very pleased to unveil a new approach in leadership training and would like to introduce our new leadership module, MGMT-468-1: Me and Machiavelli.” Explaining the schools new philosophy in depth, Dean Jain pointed out how terms like “togetherness, collaboration and cooperation” (former buzzwords on the Kellogg campus) would be replaced with terms like “ruthlessness, deception and cruelty”. Dean Jain also pointed out that he hopes this shift will allow the school to “maintain their stranglehold” on the #1 MBA ranking in Business Week.
Business Week to Alter MBA Rankings
New York, NY (AP) — Citing increased pressure from the leading business schools, Business Week magazine has altered the methodology used for their MBA rankings. The publication will now judge the schools exclusively based on an entirely new system – dubbed internally as the ‘ALPHA system’. Business Week’s Jennifer Merritt explained: “We’ll be taking each school and carefully assessing the first letter of the institution’s name, enabling us to come up with an exciting new ranking.” When it was mentioned that this sort of ranking seemed unlikely to change from year to year, Merritt replied: “We reserve the right to make adjustments to our process – using full names, such as the ‘Amos Tuck School of Business Administration’, or more common appellations, such as ‘Tuck’. In addition, my team might opt to refer to a school in Virginia as the University of Virginia or Darden – depending on how we’re feeling at the time of the rankings. Arizona State University and the newly renamed AMIT/Sloan school said they were pleased with Business Week’s decision. The Wharton school could not be reached for comment on the matter.
Happy April Fool’s,
Clear Admit
